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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27794041">All In</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/saltee/pseuds/saltee'>saltee</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The Boyz (Korea Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Guns, M/M, Sexual Content, Slight Coercion, dealer chanhee, gambling addict hyunjae, hyunjae gets off on having his life on the line, hyunjae thinks he’s straight, illegal gambling, kind of sadistic chanhee, mentioned animal abuse, more warnings in the notes, not the song but the game, sex almost happens but that’s not what this fic is about, suicide ideation in some way, they play russian roulette</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 08:15:50</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>4,250</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27794041</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/saltee/pseuds/saltee</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>There are no familiar faces here. No dealers eyeing him warily, no associates of the loan sharks that he owes money. Jaehyun is far away from home now and far away from trouble, which means he’s free to indulge as much as he can. </p><p>He doesn’t have much to return to anyway.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Choi Chanhee | New/Lee Jaehyun | Hyunjae</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>9</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>62</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>All In</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>hi there, first tbz fic for me!</p><p>i explore some dark themes in here, such as addiction. it's important to note that hyunjae isn't the typical gambling addict, since it's something other than winning that appeals to him. also I have tagged coercion and one could say that the game of Russian roulette isn't as informed and consensual as it could be, since an addict isn't in any state to make well thought out decisions. also chanhee has sadistic tendencies in this and takes advantage of the situation, so please be aware about that. </p><p>anyways, I trust u to read this at your own discretion &lt;3</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>The shabby wood of the dock creaks the moment Jaehyun puts his weight on it, making him take a step backward onto safe land. Then, after a moment of consideration, he steps back onto the dock, this time jumping up and down to test its stability. The planks bounce under his feet, rusty screws threatening to give out and make everything collapse underneath him. </p><p>It’s exciting.</p><p>Jaehyun isn’t supposed to know of this place, but then again, there’s a lot of things he isn’t supposed to know. One could say he heard about this from a friend, if that friend were a drunk businessman sharing a bottle with him ten minutes before his knuckles connected with Jaehyun’s jaw. But all of that doesn’t matter. What matters is that he has a way in, a business card tucked inside the inner pocket of his jacket with a password written on the back.</p><p>Nights like these make him feel like he’s James Bond.</p><p>“Love the smile, keep it up!” Jaehyun says to the guard as he reaches the end of the dock. </p><p>The stocky man with a crooked nose is very much not smiling, arms crossed and looking down at Jaehyun with disdain as if he’s just a pesky fly that needs to be swatted. “Name?” the man asks.</p><p>Jaehyun smiles, feeling smug as he pulls the business card from his pocket. “I think you need this instead.” It’s a test.</p><p>The guard studies the business card and sure enough, he nods, stepping aside and letting Jaehyun climb into the speedboat that will take him to his final location.</p><p>The ride there is short, and the only sound between him and the stoic guard is the water crashing into the hull of the boat. It’s dark out, close to midnight, so he can clearly see the decommissioned cruise ship that lies in front of them, looking quiet on the outside, successfully hiding whatever sins lie below deck.</p><p>Drugs, whores, fights, the stuff that would make many men’s hearts speed up, but that’s not what Jaehyun came for. The sea breeze hits his face and Jaehyun can already smell the grime on the overused poker chips.</p><p>Getting onto the ship almost makes him vomit. You would think a profitable yet illegal business like this would invest in something more than a pulley construction to lift people onto the deck. But no, Jaehyun just hugs himself as he stares down at the dark waves beneath him, one of the last things that can still unsettle him like this, and not in a good way.</p><p>When he’s pulled onto the deck by another mean-looking guard, he’s shaking with excitement instead of nausea. It almost feels like it’s his birthday, that’s how delighted he feels when he’s led down into the belly of the ship. When he arrives at his version of heaven, he gets patted down, the guard looking for any weapons, but he can’t even feel it, all he’s focused on is the sound of slot machines and cards being shuffled. </p><p>No familiar faces here, no dealers eyeing him warily, no associates of the loan sharks that he owes money. He’s far away from home now, far away from trouble, which means he’s free to indulge as much as he can. He doesn’t have much to return to anyway.</p><p>The slot machines look enticing, rows and rows of them, but they always give him more of a headache than a thrill. He has long since sworn off blackjack since it’s not that exciting anymore. And poker just annoys him nowadays, too many egos at one table, set out to smother him with their cologne.</p><p>Jaehyun feels the wad of bills in his pocket, weighing him down; he can’t wait to have it all on the table.</p><p>Then, he spots something–no, someone he likes. </p><p>The guy is inspecting his nails, standing behind one of the roulette tables with his hip cocked out, looking bored as hell. A wine-red gilet is buttoned tightly around the man’s waist, his dress shirt tucked into his pants to perfection. There’s something about his aura that makes Jaehyun interested in him and he just can’t stop himself from sitting down at the table as the only player.</p><p>“Are you new here?” he asks, reading ‘New’ from the man’s name tag.</p><p>The dealer pulls his attention away from his nails, giving Jaehyun a once-over. He doesn’t look impressed. “Never heard that joke before.”</p><p>Good. Jaehyun has always liked his dealers a little mean, like a cherry with a pit on top of a sour cake. “Ten thousand won?” he asks, gesturing at the table.</p><p>“Starting bet is fifty thousand at this table,” New says, and then leaning over the table, making sure Jaehyun doesn’t break eye contact, “I’m expensive.” </p><p>Jaehyun smiles at that, realizing he made the right choice to sit down at this table tonight. “Of course. I wouldn’t have it any other way.”</p><p>Normally, he wouldn’t play roulette. It takes too long to get where he wants to be, and he gets bored before achieving his goal. But somehow, the dealer makes it worth his while. Jaehyun plays it safe, splitting his bets widely. Every time he loses, he can see a small smile on New’s pretty lips, and whenever he wins, he can just feel the resentful energy from across the table.</p><p>Slowly, but steadily, his wins are stacking up, which gives him enough confidence to raise the bet and switch his strategy, betting on columns and lines instead. The dealer spins the wheel and Jaehyun wonders why he’s still the only person at the table. Usually, when someone is winning the way he is, more players join.</p><p>Again, the ball lands on a number that works out great for him, adding to his winnings. He’s getting close now. </p><p>“How come your table isn’t packed like the others?” Jaehyun asks as he divides his chips again. “You seem to have quite a lucky spin. In my advantage at least.”</p><p>“Take a wild guess.” New nods at the tables beside them, all of which have female dealers. As they lean over the table to move chips, the players stare down their cleavage, too entranced to notice how badly they’re losing. “It’s usually just men like you who sit at my table.”</p><p>“Men like me–” Jaehyun asks and New raises an eyebrow. Does he mean idiots? Gambling addicts? People trying to evade the law? New raises another eyebrow and then he gets it. “I’m not gay,” is all Jaehyun says. </p><p>“Then stop looking at my lips and start betting for real.” New tosses the ball up, catching it mid-air, toying with it. “Or are you scared?”</p><p>“Not yet,” Jaehyun reassures him, not really knowing if he’s referring to the fear or the betting. “You just wait. I’ll get there.”</p><p>Soon, after switching to corner bets only, all his money is on the table, his pocket nice and empty. The stacks of chips are so high that they’re threatening to fall over and Jaehyun knows that if he takes this amount of money home, he could easily pay off some of his debts.</p><p>But the familiar need stirs in his stomach, his mouth drying up, eyes shaking. He’s been waiting for this moment for so long, has been dreaming about it all week. When he speaks, he almost cries with joy. “All in on number four.” </p><p>“Number four?” It throws New off, watching Jaehyun slide the chips to the middle of the table with hesitant eyes. “Are you sure? No one ever bets on four.”</p><p>Jaehyun closes his eyes. He almost can’t take it anymore. “Just spin the wheel.”</p><p>And so he does, spinning the ball too. The sound of it circling the wheel rings through Jaehyun’s ears just as New calls for no more bets to be placed. </p><p>His hands go numb and it feels like the floor is pulled away from underneath him, like he’s sinking to the ocean floor, choking on water. If the ball doesn’t land on four, he loses everything and he’ll have no money to return home with, better yet, no home to return to. He could lose everything he has in life.</p><p>It’s fucking intoxicating. </p><p>This is it, this is what he plays for. The thrill, the weight of it all, true peril. There’s nothing more numbing than the fear of losing it all. By the time the ball lands on a number, Jaehyun is sweating, his hands wet and leaving prints on the mat, so he hides them under the table, readjusting himself in his pants where he’s shamefully getting hard. His heart beats loudly in his head, making it explode in the best way possible. God, he doesn’t want it to end, he just wants to stay in this moment a little longer, he wants to feel it again, he wants–</p><p>“Twenty-six,” New calls, eyeing him for a second before dragging all the chips to his side of the table. “You lost everything.”</p><p>A shiver runs through Jaehyun’s spine and he just laughs, wiping a bead of sweat from his temple. This is what he came here for, to lose it all. It feels absolutely amazing. </p><p>“You’re not here to win, are you?” New asks, tearing Jaehyun from his self-induced high. </p><p>Jaehyun realizes that New can see right through him, can see exactly how pathetic he truly is, ruining his life for a minute of that bittersweet fear. “I’m not,” he answers since there’s no point in lying now, he’s leaving soon anyway, “I like the fear of losing it all.”</p><p>“Why?” New lets his elbows sit on the table, resting his head in his hands, staring directly at him. He’s intrigued. “What’s so good about it?”</p><p>A psychiatrist once told him that he had a need to get back control over his life, that Jaehyun needed to be the only one who could give and take from himself, instead of others. Needless to say, Jaehyun never went back for another appointment with the man, because that’s the complete opposite of what his problem is.</p><p>He doesn’t need to be in control, not at all. He needs to lose control in any way possible, and have something else decide for him: chance. And nothing is more mortifying than having everything taken away from you in a simple game of luck. But Jaehyun can’t just simply put it into words like that, so instead, he just shrugs, still weak and shaky from the adrenaline rush.</p><p>New hums, chewing on his bottom lip as he studies Jaehyun. Finally, he says, “Usually we don’t do this on people’s first night, but–” New reaches under the table and places a ‘closed’ sign on the mat, “but I think I can make an exception and take you to the back. I have a game that you might like.”</p><p>Jaehyun ignores all the warning signs that go off in his head, his mind only focused on the mention of a game. His pockets are empty and New knows this, but he still takes him behind a heavy curtain, going ahead of him and leading him down metal stairs.</p><p>Then, after a heavy ship door, it’s almost like they walk into the realm of Sodom and Gomorrah. </p><p>Jaehyun trips over his feet trying to take in everything that’s happening all around him as they walk through the rooms. There’s a heavy smell of liquor in the air, almost intoxicating him just as much as the rhythmic hum of the music drilling through his body. He sees tits, more than he can count, pressed against poles, faces, bottles of champagne.</p><p>On his right, he passes a cage with two cocks fighting, sharp spurs attached to their legs, men throwing more cash around than Jaehyun even brought tonight. There’s a poker table too, catching his interest when he sees there’s no chips on the table, only keys. </p><p>“Don’t get distracted,” New says, looking over his shoulder and gesturing for him to keep up, which he gladly does. He’s promised something better than all of this after all.</p><p>New takes him out of the busy space and into a hallway, which reminds Jaehyun of the many hotels he’s been to. Then, he realizes this must be the cabins, probably to be rented out to whoever is too drunk to go home, or–</p><p>“I live here,” New says, stopping in front of the last door in the hallway. </p><p>Jaehyun swallows, a bit hesitant about the current situation. It seems like they have moved away from the fun part of the ship and now he finds himself entering a man’s bedroom, not something he’d typically do. </p><p>Once they’re inside, the air feels cold and clean. “On your knees,” New says as he unlocks the cupboard beside the bed, retrieving a small, metal box.</p><p>“Uhm,” Jaehyun balls his hands into fists, swaying from one leg to the other, “You’re not going to fuck me, are you?”</p><p>“Why? Do you want me to?” New kneels on the bloodred carpet, taking the initiative and placing the box on the floor in front of him. He raises an eyebrow and just like that, Jaehyun sits down in front of him, somehow unable to refuse. </p><p>Another key, this time from the little front pocket of New’s gilet. He opens the metal box, hinges groaning as he does, revealing its contents.</p><p>Jaehyun knows New is saying something, knows that he needs to react and stay present, but he can’t. There’s nothing else he can focus on right now, because all he’s looking at is the small revolver, laying on a bed of blue velvet inside the box. On its side sits a single bullet, the tip aimed at Jaehyun.</p><p>“Yes,” he says, answering a question of which he’s not sure if it’s been asked. “Yes, I wanna do this.”</p><p>“Well, aren’t you excited, hm?” New leans back on his hands, eyeing him, still intrigued. “I asked your name, actually. Would be nice to know who I’m playing with.” </p><p>“Jaehyun,” he swallows, throat getting dryer by the second, “Just Jaehyun.”</p><p>“Okay, just Jaehyun, I’m Chanhee.” He reaches into the box and takes out the bullet, holding it up between his index finger and thumb, looking at it with one eye pinched closed. “And this is my little friend.” Chanhee leans forward, crossing the space between them, holding it in front of Jaehyun’s face. “Here–kiss it. It’s good luck.”</p><p>Jaehyun stares at the bullet in front of him in disbelief. Playing this game has been a secret dream of his for a long time now, something he fantasized about often, but he never thought he’d get an opportunity like this. He’s been raising the stakes for years now to feed that urge, betting more, putting all of his money on the line, his car, his house, until he had nothing left to give. Until now.</p><p>He looks Chanhee right in the eye as he presses his lips against the bullet, blessing it with good luck even though he doesn’t want fate to be on his side. </p><p>Chanhee presses a kiss against the bullet too, and then takes the gun, putting the single bullet into the chamber. He holds it up, letting the dull light of the cabin shine through the chambers to show Jaehyun that there’s in fact only one bullet in there. After that, he closes the cylinder and spins it. </p><p>“I go first since it’s my gun,” Chanhee says, putting the revolver to his temple like it’s nothing.</p><p>Now Jaehyun might be an idiot, but he knows some quick math. Whoever goes first has the advantage, because with every pull of the trigger and the hammer meeting an empty chamber the chances of the next round to be loaded go up. But he also realizes something else.</p><p>Chanhee has done this before, and the fact that he’s sitting here, kneeling down on the carpet across from him with a small smile on his face and his finger on the trigger, means that he’s never lost.</p><p>
  <em> Click </em>
</p><p>As simple as that.</p><p>Chanhee has pulled the trigger, but the hammer hit nothing but air. An empty chamber. It’s Jaehyun’s turn. Chanhee tries to pass him the gun, but Jaehyun shakes his head.</p><p>“You have to do it,” he says, hands trembling and shirt dampening with sweat. He’s feeling greedy, he wants to make this as perfect as he can, for it might be the last game he ever plays. Pulling the trigger by himself would feel dull, too much control. He wants to feel true peril.</p><p>“Fair enough.” Chanhee shoves the revolver’s box to the side so he can crawl closer. Instead of his temple, Chanhee pushes the gun under Jaehyun’s chin, the muzzle pressing into his soft skin. Jaehyun can feel Chanhee’s peppermint breath against his face as he asks, “Any last words?”</p><p>“Yeah,” Jaehyun swallows, so lightheaded that it feels like his brain is slipping from his skull, which ironically might happen soon, “do it.”</p><p>Jaehyun closes his eyes, waiting for a bang or a click, anticipating neither and yet both. Thoughts become messy, a polluted stream. He’d expected to see his life flash in front of him, but instead he sees nothing. All there is, is his heart beating fast in his ears and his body reacting to fear as it usually does, but now a tenfold. </p><p>
  <em> Click  </em>
</p><p>“Lucky son of a bitch,” Chanhee says through his teeth.  </p><p>But Jaehyun doesn’t feel any form of relief when Chanhee pulls the gun away from him. Instead, his heart is racing, making his blood try to burn through his skin. He wants to crawl out of his body, do something, move, run, kick and scream, feel everything at once. The familiar rush is back in the lower half of his body, swooping around with excitement. </p><p>This is everything he loves and more.</p><p>Chanhee puts the gun to his temple again, gearing up for his turn. Jaehyun watches him close his eyes, his lip protruding out a bit. He looks terrified and somehow Jaehyun thinks he’s too pretty to die.</p><p>
  <em> Click  </em>
</p><p>Another empty chamber.</p><p>Chanhee sighs, relief washing all over his face while Jaehyun’s anxiety reaches its peak again. He knows that this means, a one in three chance of losing. </p><p>“Let’s switch it up,” Chanhee says, moving the gun towards Jaehyun for his turn. This time, however, he nudges Jaehyun’s lips with the muzzle. “Open up.”</p><p>Eager for anything at this point, Jaehyun relaxes his jaw, opening his mouth slowly. As soon as it’s open wide enough, Chanhee shoves the barrel of the gun into his mouth, knocking against his teeth as he does so. Jaehyun lets out a pathetic sound, coming from the back of his throat. It tastes like metal and grease, absolutely awful, but that’s not even his main focus right now.</p><p>All he can look at is Chanhee. Beautiful and put together in his silly little dealer outfit, looking down at him with intrigue, absorbing every single one of Jaehyun’s reactions. He licks his lips as he watches him, looking at him like a cat eyes a mouse, ready to strike. It makes Jaehyun whine, and suddenly his life being on the line becomes a side thought. </p><p>He’s passed any form of shame now and reaches down to press against his crotch through his pants, seeking some relief. Chanhee’s eyes widen at this, looking down to where Jaehyun is desperately trying to rearrange his erection in his slacks. </p><p>“Oh, I haven’t seen this before,” Chanhee says, huffing a laugh, “you like having something in your mouth? Is that it? I thought you said you weren’t gay.”</p><p>Jaehyun tries to answer, tries to tell him that he’s not, but Chanhee just shoves the gun further down his throat, making him gag. His vision blurs and he realizes he’s crying but not from sadness. He could easily use his hands and take the gun out of his mouth, overpower Chanhee and get the fuck out of here, but he doesn’t want to.</p><p>He just wants Chanhee to pull the trigger. </p><p>
  <em> Click </em>
</p><p>This time, it resonates through the metal into his skull, making his teeth ring as Chanhee pulls the trigger on an empty chamber. </p><p>Jaehyun exhales, the sound ragged and relieved as the gun is pulled from his mouth. Chanhee wipes the barrel with the sleeve of his dress shirt as if it were more dirty than wet. “You’re fun to play with,” he says, wetting his lips, “I like the way you look when you’re scared.”</p><p>“I’m not scared,” he lies, because next thing he knows, Chanhee is putting the gun to his own temple again.</p><p>One in two chance. He really doesn’t want Chanhee to lose. Imagining it makes him nauseous. What the hell will he do when that happens? How does one go back to everyday life after this? But he doesn’t get the chance to ponder this, because Chanhee pinches his eyes closed, touches his forehead and chest, drawing a quick cross, and pulls the trigger. </p><p>
  <em> Click </em>
</p><p>“Oh.” Chanhee pulls the gun from his temple, a solemn smile on his face. “Guess I win.” Then, putting the gun to Jaehyun’s forehead, muzzle digging into his skin. “And you lose.”</p><p>“Wait–” Jaehyun holds up his hands, lost and confused. He wants Chanhee to stop, but only to stretch out this moment. He knows he’s going to die, but that has never been a problem to begin with. Jaehyun doesn’t understand death and has never considered it something that could happen to him, so his mind doesn’t even process that, his survival instinct failing to kick in. </p><p>Instead, he wants this to last.</p><p>All of his nerves are on fire, his body pulled taut like a string. He’s never faced danger like this, never had any higher stakes, knowing that he has a one-hundred percent of losing. He wants more, he wants to feel all of it, his body is on edge, ready to burst, and he’s more turned on than he’s ever been, and–</p><p>“Bang,” Chanhee says as he pulls the trigger, the hammer meeting an empty chamber for the sixth time.</p><p>Jaehyun thinks he could faint, or cry even more, or maybe scream. But he just falls blank as Chanhee reaches behind himself, fetching a bullet.</p><p>“You think I’d really risk my life for you?” Chanhee puts the bullet back into the chamber, demonstrating how he flicked it out with fast fingers before spinning it. “I’m not that stupid.”</p><p>Jaehyun feels lost, suddenly very aware of the sweat dripping down his back and the pinpricks all over his skin. His body is still tense, waiting for something, anything to flush away the adrenaline he’s feeling. </p><p>Chanhee puts the revolver back into the box, the bullet right next to it, closing it. “You look really good when you cry, by the way. I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone as pathetic as you.” And just like that, he’s back in front of him, grabbing him by his chin and tilting his face up so he can look into his eyes properly. “Maybe I’ve finally found someone as fucked up as I am.” </p><p>“H–how are you–in what way?” Jaehyun just can’t find the words to express all the questions he has, there’s just not enough blood in his brain right now.</p><p>Chanhee takes Jaehyun’s hand and guides it to the front of his dress pants, showing him that he’s just as hard as Jaehyun is. He startles, half in shock from Chanhee being in the same state as he is, and half confused that he isn’t recoiling in disgust from touching another man like this. “You said you weren’t gay, so this shouldn’t affect you, right?” Chanhee asks, a mocking smile on his lips as his other hand tightens on Jaehyun’s chin, making it unable for him to look away.</p><p>Jaehyun doesn’t know what he is, he doesn’t even know <em> who </em>he is right now. All he knows is that he wants to lose himself once again, surrender completely and let go of anything he believed to be true. “Please–please do something. Make it go away,” he begs, pushing his hand down against Chanhee’s crotch, asking for something that can make him feel that high again. </p><p>“Oh, you’re really something.” Chanhee pulls down Jaehyun’s bottom lip with his thumb, playing with it. “Maybe I’ll keep you around, show you how fun life can be.”</p><p>Jaehyun nods, tears welling up in his eyes again.</p><p>“You want that? Live here on this ship? Be lost forever?” Chanhee peels Jaehyun’s hand off of himself and unbuttons his pants, untucking his dress shirt and exposing his underwear. “Show me how much you want it then.”</p><p>Jaehyun’s fingers are shaking as he pulls Chanhee’s boxers down, but he’s determined to show how serious he is about this, despite being completely lost as to what to do. He bends down, pulling out Chanhee’s cock. It feels foreign in his hand, weird even, but he can feel it throbbing under its skin, hot and leaking at the tip. It’s exciting and it fills him with a level of arousal that he’s never felt before. </p><p>When he peers up through his wet eyes, he tries to look alluring, even though he knows he probably looks like a sorry mess. But still, he does his best, making sure Chanhee can see that he’s serious when he says, </p><p>“Yes, I want it.”</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>thank you for reading! please leave a kudo and/or a comment if you've enjoyed this!</p><p> </p><p>  <a href="https://twitter.com/S4LTEE">twitter</a></p></blockquote></div></div>
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